Sunday, 24 February 2013

Tears of a Clown

“I decided it is better to scream. Silence is the real crime against humanity.”

Yesterday, I cried. I wept solidly for 15 minutes while sitting at my laptop trying to work out how to make a website. I needed a break. After a quick cup of Chamomile tea and a square of chocolate, I went back to the laptop, stared at what was in front of me and started crying again. At about 8.30pm I finally gave in. After sending an angry email to my ‘website consultant’, I retired to my bed with knitting in hand.

“If I can’t make sense of this website, I will make a scarf!”

Well, I made a bit of scarf, allowing myself to drop off in dim light, the bed strewn with yarn, needles and a couple of books in mid read. I slept soundly, undisturbed.

This morning I woke up and felt….better! A lot better! I spent the evening before beating myself up for not always succeeding, for failing to get a date, for getting a blow out on a very bald car tyre the day before. Somehow, allowing the misery to take-over purged the upset within and cleared the air.

This Sunday morning is a new day and I feel somewhat invigorated. Consenting to the mild spat of depression, was accepting myself for all my failings, as natural as they are. The life of a singleton (in rural Ireland) can be a thorny road. Starting a business up as a sole trader, during a recession is rocky road. Looking out at another day can be …… inspiring! 

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